Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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