Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
