I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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