apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
