so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
