i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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