If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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