worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
