Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
