The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
