What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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