Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
