Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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