Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
