Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i will never coherently bang her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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