Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
