I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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