i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
