I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
