i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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