Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
