I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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