Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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