Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize