I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
