"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
