i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
