Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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