these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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