So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
