The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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