angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
