May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
