I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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