all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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