My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
