checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
