I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
