why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
