He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize