I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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