grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
