i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
