We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
