i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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