if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
