At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
