She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
