MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
