I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
