He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
