So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
