The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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