I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
