i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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