he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
