my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
