i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize