too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
