Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
