Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
