did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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