Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
